Up Against The Wall
by Just Gabz
Summary: Jack doesn't want Ianto to rely on anything else to make him feel good. Inspired by the song 'Up Against The Wall' by Boys Like Girls. Development of Jack and Ianto's relationship throughout the series.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **_**Up Against The Wall**_

**Pairings/Characters: **_**Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Mentions Owen Harper**_

**Warnings: **_**Angst and fluff**_

**Summary: **_**Jack doesn't want Ianto to rely on anything else to make him feel good. Inspired by the song 'Up Against The Wall' by Boys Like Girls. Mentions of 'Cyberwoman' and 'Countrycide'**_

**Author Notes: **_**I'm hoping for more detail in this one :)**_

**Disclaimer: **_**I don't own the TV show or the characters.**_

The warm liquid ran down his throat, the smoky strong taste attacking his senses. The drink burned at the back of his throat and heated his body as it went down, clearing his mind of the burdens in his head. Placing the empty glass back on the table, he poured himself another shot. Breathing out a heavy breath, a breath fresh with whiskey and tears, he downed the shot once more. His eyes shut tight as the burning sensation hit the back of his throat once more.

He was doing it to forget. Every time his throat burned his mind concentrated on that sensation, not on all that had happened to him recently. Instead of cyber girlfriends and cannibals, he thought of the charred oak taste. Instead of guns to his head and bloodied knives to his neck, he thought of how much damage he was doing to himself. It was okay as long as he was the one doing the damage. He was in control.

As the rough liquid found its way into his body, his head buzzed. He felt good. He couldn't remember the last time he felt good. The only problem was that every time his glass was empty, so too did he feel. His heart sank in his chest as he looked at the glass bereft of the antidote to all his pain. He was just about to pour himself another glass when he heard a strong knock at the door.

He stopped, his eyes closing as the sound vibrated through his fuzzy head. He didn't really feel like getting up at that moment, and wasn't sure he'd getting his footing right if he did.

The knocking began once more, this time joined by a voice, "Ianto? I know you're in there, let me in."

Ianto sighed, rubbing his eyes and he got up slowly, shuffling towards the door. He'd know that American accent anywhere. He rested his forehead against it for a moment before opening it, a fairly good 'I'm fine and havn't been drinking myself into a stupor' look on his face, "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Not office hours." Jack pointed out, just a little bit out of breath, "Can I come in?"

"Hmm? Right, yeah. Sorry." Ianto moved out of the way, watching as Jack moved into his flat.

"Have you been drinking?" Jack raised his eyebrow curiously.

"What gave you that idea?" Ianto shut the door carefully, leaning against it for support.

"Well," Jack walked over to the table picking up the bottle of whiskey, "Other than the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on your table next to a recently used glass, the slur in your voice and the way you can't stand up straight? No real reason." Jack shrugged.

"You think you're clever don't you?" Ianto murmured, pushing away from the door to prove the captain wrong.

"Just observant."

"Why are you here Jack?"

"To see if you're okay, which judging by the looks of things, you aren't."

Ianto let out a heavy breath, still tasting that strong alcohol, "I'm fine."

"No you're not. I'm your friend Ianto, at least give me that much." Jack took slow tentative steps towards the Welshman, "You aren't okay at all. You lost your girlfriend and then you were almost eaten by cannibals. That has to be the very definition of 'not fine'."

"Okay," Ianto murmured, barely a whisper, "I'm not fine, but I'm not a walking train wreck either. I'm coping."

Ianto's eyes were on the floor. Jack was going to see through this, he knew he was. How could he not? He'd been caught with red eyes and half a bottle of whiskey down his throat, there couldn't have been anything worse for Jack to have walked in on. He lifted his hands just enough to look at them, noticing that they were shaking and scrunched them into fists until his knuckles went white. He didn't see an escape from this situation. Not without killing Jack and running anyway.

He felt Jack's hands hold his forearms softly and finally looked up, meeting soft blue eyes. What he saw in those shimmering blue pools surprised him. He didn't see pity, he didn't see hatred, all he saw was care. Unconditionally, the man before him cared and it made no sense. Everyone who had ever cared for the younger man hadn't lived long and yet here he was with Captain Jack Harkness looking at him like _that._ The one man who couldn't die was caring for him. It was like some strange paradox and nothing made sense. By all accounts, if you cared for Ianto Jones, you ran for cover and yet this man couldn't be stopped by the boundaries of death. It scared the hell out of Ianto.

"Why are you drinking Ianto?" Jack's voice was soft and soothing.

Ianto's head dropped, "Because…"

"Tell me." Jack urged.

"When…when I drink, I feel better. I don't think so much." He didn't know why he was telling Jack this, "And the less I think…"

"The less you think about Lisa? About the Beacons?" Jack offered the end of the sentence.

Ianto nodded, "I wish I'd never loved her."

"No you don't." Jack smiled and Ianto didn't. He was glad Jack understood but nervous as to what his reaction was going to be, "Ianto, I don't want you relying on alcohol to make yourself feel better."

"But-"

Jack cut him off, "I don't want you thinking that the only option you have is to get so drunk that you can't think straight."

"What else do I have?" Ianto whispered, looking into Jack's eyes again, begging for him to give him a better option.

"Me." Jack's voice was soft and welcoming.

Ianto stared at Jack, utterly confused, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't understand why you're so oblivious to my feelings for you Ianto Jones."

Ianto's head went down, again feeling uncomfortable. He had noticed. Jack wasn't exactly the type to be subtle about that type of thing. It was Jack though. Ianto had heard all the tales of Captain Jack Harkness; the man who'll sleep with anything that's willing. He didn't want to be that. He didn't want to be another one of Jack's stories.

Jack's lips ghosted over Ianto's jaw as he spoke, "I want to make you smile again. I want you to feel good about yourself. I want Gwen to play that stupid game of who snogged who and to be able to say 'Ianto'. I want you to be happy. Unless of course I've misread all the looks you've given me and I'm now making a complete arse of myself…"

"No," Ianto quickly assured, looking up at Jack, "I just…you're Jack Harkness."

"Was last time I checked, yeah." Jack chuckled.

"I don't want to be another story. I just don't, okay?" Ianto felt his stomach was in knots. He was so sure he'd given up his opportunity to taste Jack's lips. He didn't need the rest, sure it was an added bonus, but those lips…those tortured the young Welshman every day. The way they curved at the corners into that cocky smile, just begging to be kissed. That's all Ianto really wanted, and he wasn't sure he'd ever get it.

Jack smirked, "Don't believe the hype Ianto." This caught Ianto's attention and he looked back up at the older man, "I'm not Owen. I don't need sex to feel good about myself. If I did, I wouldn't be doing it with someone I work with. I have _some_ tact. I don't talk about the people I care for. It's different for them." He sighed sadly, "Sometimes I hate rumours."

Ianto groaned in frustrated, "Just tell me what you want from me!"

"You! Christ Ianto, I thought I'd made this clear to you! No complications, no double meanings, I only want you. Is that really so hard to believe?"

"Yes." Ianto impulsively held Jack's waist close, "It's impossible to believe."

Jack tilted Ianto's face up to meet his eyes and leaned closer, grazing his lips against the younger man's. Ianto's breathing hitched as the taste and smell of the alcohol on his breath lingered with Jack's. He leaned closer, moving Jack into him so the taste was stronger. The kiss was lazy and exploratory. Ianto hadn't expected anything like it. The bitter whiskey flavoured was drowned out by the sweet taste of Jack. Every breath he took was of Jack and his head buzzed once more.

As Ianto pulled away, he leaned back into the door behind him, using it to keep him upright. Jack chuckled, his hands coming around Ianto's waist to hold him steady. Ianto pressed his forehead to Jack's.

"This is insane" Ianto mumbled.

"What?"

"Less than two months ago my girlfriend died."

"She died more than a year ago. She died in London."

"I know that now. I didn't then."

"So what's the problem?" Jack smiled impulsively.

"I've never even been with a guy before." Ianto's voice was so quiet, Jack could barely hear it.

"Good." Jack smirked, "I like the idea of being your first."

_**A/N: So I decided to try this new thing where I give a lot more detail. I've been reading fics lately with lots of detail and have thought 'THAT is what I'm missing'. I've been meaning to write this all year. I hope you like it :) As always, please review.**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	2. Countrycide

_**I got lots of reviews telling me to continue this, so I am. I'm going to make this into a development of Jack and Ianto's relationship throughout the series. I hope you enjoy :)**_

_**Countrycide**_

Ianto wasn't sure what to expect from Jack. He hadn't expected so much…honesty…in one night. His head still buzzed from the alcohol in his system. He sat on his bed, his legs crossed, looking into his lap at his hands. What was Jack expecting of him? Sex? He wasn't ready for sex. Jack had to know that. That's not to say he didn't want it. God how he wanted it, just not now, not yet; it was too soon. He looked up at Jack standing in his doorway, his military coat gone, and his suspenders at his sides. He couldn't help but smile up at Jack and Jack took that as his invitation to enter the room, taking slow steps towards the bed. He sat opposite the Welshman, threading his fingers through Ianto's.

"If you feel uncomfortable with me being here, even for one moment, tell me and I'll leave."

"Jack…" Ianto's voice trailed off, feeling embarrassed by the thought of what he wanted to say.

"What? Tell me."

"I don't want you to leave. I…I don't want to be alone after everything. I thought I did, but I guess I was wrong." His eyes drifted back down to their hands entwined as he spoke.

He couldn't shake the feeling that flooded through his body at the sight, the feel of Jack's hands in his. They were warm and welcoming. They were soft yet strong. Somehow, and he would never know quite how, it felt right to have those hands in his.

"Then I won't leave." Jack smiled reassuringly, "Lie down Ianto, you should sleep."

"I don't want to." Ianto's eyes closed for a moment.

"Why not?"

_Because you make me feel warm for once_, "Because I'm going to have the hangover from hell when I wake up."

Jack chuckled, "Then I'll give you a hangover tonic."

"I'm not tired." That was a lie, a very stupid one. Anyone could see he was tired. He had had the day form hell and he would've loved to have slept, but Jack was there and he felt self-conscious. Jack Harkness was sitting on his bed with him. He didn't know what the proper etiquette for this situation was. What was he supposed to say, what was he supposed to do? What was Jack expecting? What was he expecting from Jack? His brain was in overload as he tried to figure out the answers.

"Okay, so we'll just talk." Jack pushed Ianto back into the pillows of the bed and Ianto couldn't help it, he sighed happily as his head melted into them. Okay, so he was a bit more tired than he'd realised but he was entitled, Jack himself had said that.

He turned over to see Jack lying next to him, smiling. He returned the favour, unable to stop himself from feeling like this was good, like Jack lying on his bed smiling at him was the best thing that had ever happened in his life.

"So…lovely weather we're having?" Jack tried, smirking.

Ianto chuckled, looking down for a moment, "Welsh weather. You're calling Welsh weather 'lovely'?"

"Well I thought it'd be better than saying, 'the weather is crap'."

Ianto smiled, "I guess the rain is nice. It's soothing. It makes you appreciate the heating in the flat."

"See? It's about time you started to look at the positives." Jack's hand impulsively ran underneath Ianto's shirt and over his chest. His hand was warm and Ianto's eyes closed automatically, focussing on the feeling. He winced as Jack grazed a tender spot and regretted it immediately.

Jack lifted his shirt up carefully, revealing the dark bruise on the Welshman's stomach, "It hurts." It was more of a statement than a question.

"It's not that bad."

"What did they do to you?" Jack's voice was oozing concern and Ianto sighed.

"It's nothing Jack, I'm okay."

"No, tell me."

"They…they said," He shuddered at the memories, "They said that meat needed to be tenderized first. I was the meat in question."

Ianto shivered. He didn't want to remember. He was so sick of remembering. It hurt his head and his heart when he remembered. He needed that whiskey, but he knew Jack wasn't going to let him. His eyes closed again and he let his head drop a little, not wanting to think about how weak he was looking in from of the man – his boss – in front of him.

Jack tilted his head up to gaze into soft blue eyes, "I promise you, I'm not going to let anyone do anything like this to you again."

"You can't promise that." Ianto's voice was barely a whisper, feeling the effects of Jack's gaze on him.

"Okay…you're right, I can't _promise_ that. I promise to do anything in my power to stop it from happening in the future."

Ianto smiled, he had been doing that a lot that night. He wasn't ready to admit to Jack that it felt good to smile again, "How about you just promise to be here at the end of it all."

Jack chuckled, "That's a given."

Ianto shuffled closer, less self-conscious than before. Jack would've left by now if he was making any mistakes, right? He rested his head on Jack's chest, listening to the captain's heart beat through the fabric of his white undershirt. The _thud, thud, thud_ in Jack's chest was surprisingly soothing. It reassured Ianto, told him Jack was alive and as long as Jack was alive, he knew he was going to be alright. Jack's arms wound around Ianto's waist, running soothing circles along his back.

"Jack?" Ianto mumbled into the older man's chest.

"Yeah?"

"Will you still be here when I wake up?"

"Yes Ianto." Jack chuckled, "I'm not going anywhere."

_**A/N: I wanted this to be longer but as the last chapter was Countrycide as well, I figured I'd get away with it haha. **_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	3. Greeks Bearing Gifts

_**Greeks Bearing Gifts**_

Jack watched as Ianto tinkered around the kitchen and then moved on to picking up rubbish from the different work stations. The Welshman was tired, Jack could see it in the way Ianto carried himself. His shoulders were slouched and each step seemed to be forced. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched the Welshman. He thought Ianto was making progress. Tosh had to go and tell him she was worried. As Ianto reached the table by the couch, picking up empty Chinese food containers and binning them, Jack moved down to him. Ianto's muscles were tense, as though he was carrying all the burdens of the world on his shoulders.

Jack took the rubbish bag from Ianto's hands, "I think you can stop now."

"Sir…"

"That's not my name."

Okay, Jack. Come on, I need to do this." Ianto looked annoyed but Jack could see the glimmer in his eyes. Jack relished the way only he could put it there.

"No, you need to go home and get some rest."

"You want me to leave?" Ianto rubbed his eyes, "Oh God, I'm sorry; I'm keeping you up, aren't I?"

Jack chuckled, tossing the rubbish bag to the side and looping his arms around the younger man's waist, "Relax. I'm in no rush."

"Well then…if it's all the same to you, I think I'll finish this cleaning."

"Work ended hours ago."

"Who else is going to do it?" Ianto leaned closer, pressing their chests together. Jack gazed into Ianto's somber blue eyes. He saw something sad in them, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He let himself feel good with the knowledge that the dark sadness in those eyes was not nearly as prominent as it used to be. He had to be doing _some_ good…right? Or maybe Ianto was getting better at hiding it. Maybe he was making Ianto feel worse.

"I'm not completely useless Ianto. It's like you're cleaning up my place. It feels weird." Jack made sure Ianto was looking at him when he said, "You know…Toshiko, you two seem close."

"She's one of my best friends." Ianto shrugged.

Jack hated this. He had to figure out how to bring up that Tosh was worried. He had to subtly ask Ianto if he was okay. How was he supposed to do that without the Welshman's guard rising and pushing him away? There had to be a way to get Ianto to open up but he had no idea what that was.

"She cares about you."

Ianto sighed, "What did she hear?"

"I don't know." Jack felt strange. No one had ever read him that easily before, "She only told me she was worried. I thought I was helping you Ianto." He looked down sadly before looking back up at Ianto, "You need to tell me when you're hurting."

"Jack." Ianto's voice was stern and Jack's eyes immediately dropped to the floor, "Jack, look at me." Ianto cupped the captain's face in his hands, making sure Jack was looking at him, "You've helped me. You _are_ helping me. Don't for one minute think any differently."

"Then…why did Toshiko hear something to worry her like that?" Jack's voice was filled with uncertainty.

"I don't know. It was probably just a weak moment. Everyone has them."

Jack ran the pad of his thumb along Ianto's lower lip, unable to stop himself from smiling. The younger man's lips were so soft underneath his touch. They were warm and memories of quick stolen kisses ran through his mind.

"I want you to tell me when you feel bad, okay?"

Ianto's eyes closed at the feel of Jack's tender touch. He moved closer impulsively and nodded. Jack grazed his lips along Ianto's jawline, smirking.

"I'll make you feel better."

"I don't doubt that."

Jack chuckled, savouring the shiver that went through Ianto as the sound. He grinned as the Welshman's hands came around his neck, his lips parting impulsively.

"You should really go home." Jack murmured, but his heart wasn't in it.

"Are you saying you want me to leave?"

"I didn't say that, just that you _should_."

Ianto nipped at Jack's jaw, "You want me to leave you here, all on your own?"

"Mmm that would be tragic."

"Devastating, even."

"Heartbreaking." Jack agreed, trying to stop grinning as Ianto's nose rubbed against his.

Ianto's eyes were at half mast as he tried to take in the view of Jack so close to him. His lips brushed Jack's, barely touching, "Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"If you don't kiss me soon, I _am_ going to be forced to kill you."

"That's a very strong punishment Ianto. I may need to think about this."

"Jack." The Welsh voice was stern and Jack chuckled. The older man lifted Ianto's chin, pressing his their lips together in a delicate kiss. The smell of subtle aftershave and taste of mint and coffee attacked Jack's senses and he happily surrendered to the wonderful sensation. This kiss was calm and soft as they simply explored each other.

Finally breaking away for air, Jack murmured, "I love when you stay late."

Ianto chuckled, "I should go though, you're right."

"Are you sure?"

"It's getting late and I don't even want to think about what the others would say if they noticed that I was wearing the same suit tomorrow."

"Don't you keep an extra suit here?" Jack pointed out, smirking.

"Well yes…but…I mean…It's…I'm not-"

"Relax Ianto, I'm kidding. You should go home and get some sleep. It's been a long day."

"How was Toshiko doing when you were talking to her before?" Ianto's eyes were on the floor.

Jack smiled, "She's doing okay, considering. I should've noticed that there was something wrong there."

Ianto rubbed Jack's arm soothingly, smiling up at him, "You can't notice everything Jack."

"I can try."

"You won't do very well. Face it, there are always going to be things you miss. It's human."

Jack stared into Ianto's eyes and saw a glimmer of hope. That glimmer was all he needed to know that things were going to be okay. He vowed to make that glimmer grow. It was the least he could do. "Are you sure you want to go home?"

Ianto groaned, "Stop asking Jack, or I'll give in."

"That was the general idea." Jack chuckled.

Ianto pressed one last chaste kiss to Jack's lips and smiled just a little bit shyly, "Goodnight Jack."

"Night Ianto."

Jack watched Ianto slowly walk towards the cog door and grinned. There was something extraordinary about Ianto Jones, and he was determined to bring it out. The Welshman looked back quickly, smiling warmly at the older man before leaving through the long hall towards the tourist office. Jack felt warmer than he had in a long time.

_**A/N: …I really have nothing much to say here. Hope you enjoyed? Looking forward to writing the next chapter? :D**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	4. They Keep Killing Suzie

_**They Keep Killing Suzie**_

Ianto stared at his neatly scribbled writing on the form. _Suzie Costello. Death by Torchwood. _One day that would be him. One day he would die and the form would say something else but everyone who mattered would know that truthfully, it was Torchwood that killed him. The only reason he hadn't died already was because he rarely went out in the field.

Jack died. He died too often. He acted like it was one of those parts of the job, like as a leader it was expected of him to die. It wasn't right. Back at London, Yvonne never so much as left the base. That being said, he was comparing Jack to Yvonne. He was comparing a man who would listen to and help you with any of your troubles to a woman who thought remembering your name meant she was a good boss.

Jack was different to Yvonne. He could imagine the two of them constantly fighting. Jack wasn't a man to get on the bad side of. He also wasn't a man to be kept waiting. Ianto looked at his stop watch. Just under five minutes before he was expected in Jack's office. He leaned back against the wall of the morgue, letting out a shaky breath.

What was he doing? What was he going to do? What had he planned on doing? What was Jack expecting him to do? What was he expecting himself to do? He let out another shaky breath, closing his eyes trying to steady it.

This was crazy. It was Jack. What did he have to be afraid of from Jack? _Other than his libido._ But that was just it. He wasn't afraid of what Jack wanted to do at all. He was more afraid of how much he wanted it. He hadn't wanted something, _someone_ so much in as long as he could remember. This was worse than with Lisa. But Jack wasn't the same. Maybe it was a 51st century thing…with the pheromones and the crazy urges to kiss him in the middle of public places. After catching a weevil caught him by surprise, not that he complained mind.

He looked back at the stop watch. Two minutes. He groaned, running a hand through his hair and slamming his heel into the wall behind him. Why did he have to have said anything in the first place! He felt like he had to move them forward. Jack was deadset on going at Ianto's pace. So this was his fault. Bastard!

Reluctantly, he pushed away from the wall and started his journey up to Jack's office.

Jack wasn't sitting at his desk, instead leaning against it, smirking as he watched Ianto standing outside the door. As he crossed the threshold Ianto watched the stopwatch, "5…4…3…2…1."

"That's a bit…precise?" Jack's voice was filled with amusement.

"I thought you liked my timing." Ianto quipped.

Jack chuckled, "True."

Ianto stared at Jack for a moment, seeing that he wasn't going to move from that spot. Not yet anyway. The ball was still very much in Ianto's park. Ianto tried to steady his breathing.

"Did you ever meet Yvonne?" It was out of his moth before he could think.

Jack laughed, "Uh yeah. Why?"

"I was thinking about stuff downstairs. Figured you and her must've fought a lot." Ianto shrugged, trying to act like the same thoughts weren't going through both of their minds. _Shut the fuck up Ianto and stop being so afraid of something you want so badly._

"Yep, fought all the time." Jack smirked over at Ianto, "Are you okay?"

Ianto stared at him for a moment, "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"We lost Suzie today. _Again._"

"Fair point. I don't know. I mean, I mourned for her when it happened the first time. This time, I didn't get attached enough for it to hurt so much. All we were doing was thinking of her as another case. You know?"

Jack nodded, taking a few tentative steps forward, "Yeah, you're right. I felt the same I guess. Still hurts. I killed her this time."

Ianto shook his head, "No you didn't."

"Yes I did. I put all those bullets in her."

"That did nothing. I'm the one who destroyed the glove. If anyone killed her, I did."

Jack sighed, "Why don't we just stick with 'Death by Torchwood'?"

Ianto hadn't noticed so much as feel Jack's arm snake around his waist while the other held his bicep, keeping him close. Ianto just nodded, feeling safer just for the warmth.

"So," Jack murmured, his eyes glinting with mischief, "Plenty of things to do with a stopwatch."

"Quite a list." Ianto repeated his earlier words.

"Have the list on you?" Jack smirked.

Ianto fumbled for ideas in his head. _Think fast Ianto. You need to answer this! Now! For God's sake, leave it much longer and he'll take it the wrong way! _"It's been misplaced."

"How about we forget the stopwatch?" Jack chuckled, seeing the reluctance in Ianto's eyes.

Ianto smiled, nodding. A weight had been lifted with those words. His hands came to hold Jack close to him. Those pheromones were wreaking havoc with his senses and for once, he wasn't caring.

"You sure, you want to do this Ianto?" Jack's voice was barely a whisper, dripping with care, "I don't want to rush you into anything."

"Jack, if we move at your pace, I'll be old and grey before we do anything." Ianto smirked as Jack chuckled, "I'm fine. I'm not a child, I can make my own decisions and I'm pretty sure this is one of them."

"If you were a child, we'd have a few problems."

Ianto laughed, "Good thing I'm not then."

"Can I ask you a question though?"

"Yeah…"

"Why'd you mention the stopwatch if you had no ideas?"

"Hey, I wasn't sure how to ask you and it just came out."

Jack laughed, "You are so unpredictable Ianto Jones."

"I thought you liked that about me." Ianto's eyebrow rose teasingly.

"I do."

"Good." And with that, Ianto pressed his lips to Jack's. The kiss started slow, testingly and mainly exploring. Ianto sighed happily, wondering why he had been so worried about this when _this_ felt so right. Jack pushed him against a wall gently, putting more passion into the kiss. Ianto wasn't ready for the cold wall to hit his back, a contrast to the warm of the man in front of him. Jack's hands moved under Ianto's shirt and up his chest, never stopping the kiss.

Ianto pushed Jack away gently, "Slowly Jack."

"Sorry." Jack ran the pad of his thumb along Ianto's cheek, "Got a little carried away."

"We have all night. I know I want this, want _you_ but please Jack, I need to do this slowly."

Jack smiled softly, "I can do slow."

"I certainly hope so." Ianto grinned, pulling Jack closer, their noses brushing.

"Perhaps we should move this down to my bunker."

"Perhaps we should." Ianto agreed, not moving.

"It would be more comfortable."

"Yes it would."

"Ianto?" Jack murmured, his lips brushing along the Welshman's jawline.

"Hmm?"

"The bunker is that way."

"Yes it is." Ianto smiled.

"So we should be moving that way." Jack chuckled.

"Give me a minute, I'll get there."

"If this is how slow you plan on taking the rest of the night…"

Ianto laughed, pressing his lips to Jack's, "You know it's not."

"Good because I don't think I could handle that kind of torture." Jack grinned.

Ianto chuckled, "Okay, come on." He pressed quick, taunting kisses to Jack's lips, "Get down there…I'll be...right behind you."

Jack smirked, moving down the ladder under his office. Ianto grinned as he watched the older man. He didn't know why he was so scared in the first place. Okay, that's not strictly true, he was still pretty damn scared about what would happen, but he wasn't nearly as worried as he once was. He didn't know why he hadn't had faith in Jack taking this at his pace in the first place. Jack was anything but thoughtless.

"Come on Ianto, don't make me beg!" He heard the older man's voice from the hole in the ground and chuckled.

Jack would wait. That was enough to tell Ianto that he was more amazing than he'd given him credit for and suddenly, that fear was crushed by the undeniable feeling of anticipation. He couldn't have gotten down that ladder fast enough.

_**A/N: The wait for this is over! Sorry, I went away for a while but I'm back with this for you :) Sorry about the delay on it. Please review.**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	5. Random Shoes

_**Random Shoes**_

"Coffee?" Ianto offered, smiling down at the Welshwoman.

"Thanks Ianto." She took the cup gratefully, taking a small sip, "I think it was all just a bit of a shock, you know?"

Ianto sat beside her, Tosh smiling reassuringly next to him, "I wasn't there. I know you guys told me what happened, but it's not really the same."

"He saved my life. He was dead and he still saved my life."

"You're the dozy cow who just about stepped into on coming traffic!" Owen called from the autopsy bay.

"Sod off Owen!"

"So he just…appeared?" Ianto murmured, trying to figure it all out in his head.

Half the things that happened at Torchwood were insane enough but a man coming back from the dead to save Gwen Cooper's life? And then leaving once he'd done that, like it was his unfinished business. If ghosts or spirits, or whatever it was you called them _had_ unfinished business.

"It was really weird. It was like…I could feel him there and then suddenly, I'm being pushed to the ground. I look up and it's him. He was so…alive. Then he left and I kept begging him notto go, but he just, he left." Gwen looked down at her mug sadly.

Tosh ran her hand along Gwen's arm soothingly, "He was already gone Gwen, the eye was all that was keeping him here. You saved him."

Ianto felt a warm, strong hand on his shoulder and turned slowly, looking up at Jack. Their eyes met and Ianto could see the smile, the pride in those eyes. His hand on the younger man's shoulder was calming. It had been a crazy day. All of this madness was wearing a bit thin. Gwen was bordering on hysterical when she arrived back at the hub. Ianto had made coffee, made lots of coffee. He didn't know what else to do. He wasn't there, he hadn't the slightest idea of how she was feeling. The look in Jack's eyes told him that it was going to be okay, that Gwen and everyone else for that matter, were going to make it through this insane day.

The moment of contact between the two lasted mere seconds before Jack turned to Gwen, smiling a sincere smile, "You did good Gwen."

"Thank you Jack."

"We still have a little while but you guys can go home any time you want, it's been one of those days. The eye is now sitting safely in my office, ready to be catalogued."

"I'll get right on that." Ianto stood up, preparing to go to the archives.

Jack's hands came to Ianto's shoulders, pushing him back into the seat, "Not yet. There's no rush Ianto. Talk to Gwen and Tosh if you like. You don't talk to them much anymore."

"But I should-"

"No Ianto." Jack's voice was stern but he was very openly smirking. His hands were still resting on the Welshman's shoulders, gazing into his eyes. Ianto tried very hard to look away. Really, he did. It was just that they were so blue. So deeply blue with flakes of gold that shimmered in the right light. He knew, he'd had enough experience at looking into those eyes in different lights to know. If he tilted his head just so, those flakes of gold would shimmer that perfect shimmer and Ianto would struggle to do much more than stare into them. "Do it later, okay?"

Ianto nodded, wishing Jack would shift closer, just a little bit and he could catch those lips with his. But of course that would be unprofessional and he was at work…and he was in front of Tosh and Gwen…and they've probably been staring at them this entire time. Ianto chanced a glance at Tosh and Gwen and they were smirking knowingly. Ianto quickly looked back at Jack, "Will that be all sir?"

"Drop the sir. You make me feel old." And with that, Jack squeezed Ianto's shoulders gently and walked over to talk to Owen.

He didn't want to look at Gwen and Tosh. He wasn't going to look at Gwen and Tosh. Nothing they said or did was going to make him look at them. Gwen hit the younger man's knee. Hard.

"What the hell Gwen!" He rubbed his knee…it had worked though. He had looked at her. She was grinning like an idiot. She hadn't won anything from him though. He didn't have to answer anything she asked. He didn't have to say anything, and really, he could walk away right now if he really wanted to and he wouldn't be in the wrong.

"What was that?" Gwen's voice oozed amusement, the conversation about Eugene clearly forgotten.

"What?"

"You and Jack just now." She smirked, "What was that all about?"

"He told me not to worry about catologuing the eye until later…weren't you paying attention?"

Tosh's hand lifted and before Ianto had a chance to move away, he was whacked in the back of the head. "Tosh! What the hell are you doing!"

"You know what she meant."

"What is wrong with you two?"

"What's going on with _you two_?" Tosh asked curiously.

"I don't know what you are talking about. What you just saw was strictly professional, I promise you." _Apart from the part where I couldn't stop looking at those eyes._

"You sure? Any closer and you to would've been kissing."

"It's Jack."

Gwen nodded, "And-"

"And it's Jack." Ianto raised an eyebrow, challenging her to continue.

She sighed, "Yeah okay. Shame though, I was looking forward to something interesting happening around here."

"Other than aliens on a daily basis, weevils, blowfish and you being saved by a ghost today. And that's just off the top of my head?"

"Fair point." Gwen smiled, "Don't work yourself too hard Ianto. You look knackered. I think I might go home, see Rhys."

Ianto nodded, "Will do. I should go catalogue the eye now anyway."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - -

Ianto felt arms loop around his waist and smiled, resting into the older man's broad chest. Jack's head came to rest on his shoulder, his hot breath ghosting over Ianto's neck. He tried to ignore it as best as he could, "I give every one the day off and you're still down here working."

"Sorry. Force of habit."

"All I told you to do was catalogue the eye, not everything else as well." Jack sounded just a little bit amused.

Ianto turned in Jack's arms, resting his hands on the captain's shoulders, much like earlier that day, "Gwen and Tosh were asking questions about you and I today."

"Oh really?" Jack smirked, his eyebrow raising.

"Yeah. They seem to think there is something going on between you and me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Jack chuckled, "What did you tell them."

"I said that what they saw was strictly professional, because it was."

"Office hours equals strictly professional, noted."

"The thing is…I didn't tell them anything else, because I didn't know what else I was supposed to say. What you wanted me to say, I mean."

Jack chuckled, pulling Ianto closer, "I don't care what they know, you tell them whatever you want to tell them."

"Okay…so in future, if they ask me, and I'm honest, you won't get annoyed, angry with me?" Ianto asked carefully, trying not to get lost in those eyes.

"Of course not." Ianto was looking into those eyes, waiting for the sparkle, the glimmer when the light caught the gold flakes. He lifted Jack's face gently and grinned as the light hit perfectly and he was rewarded the glimmer as the light danced in Jack's eyes. The older man moved closer, pressing a soft kiss to Ianto's lips, "Come upstairs and get some sleep. Please? It's been a long day."

Ianto nuzzled Jack's neck, greedily taking in his warmth and his soothing scent, "Okay."

_**A/N: Enjoy :D**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	6. Out of Time

_**Out Of Time**_

Dying of asphyxiation isn't so bad really. It's kind of like going to sleep, except you never wake up. Unless you're Jack, of course. Poison in the air is a little bit more confusing. I mean, yes it's a lot like choking, but it hurts your system a lot more. There's a whole lot more coughing and spluttering going on. Jack doesn't know how many times he's done it now. It still hurts more than anything when he comes back. It's like being thrown into broken glass, the splinters and shards digging into every inch of Jack's skin and driving him insane. It's like the breath is shoved down his throat and into his body, like if he doesn't, he'll just have to go through it again.

When John committed suicide, Jack couldn't let him do it alone. Something inside him selfishly decided that if he was there, just maybe John wouldn't do it. No such luck. The only consolation he could find was that John hadn't died alone, as much as he felt like he did. So…why didn't he feel like he had done something good?

He had dealt with the body, putting it in the morgue and now he was standing at Ianto's front door. He couldn't quite bring himself to knock on it. He had already done enough to the poor Welshman. He had no idea how he was going to tell Ianto about his car. His bones ached from his wake up. He still wasn't used to that. Reluctantly, he knocked on the door gently and rested his head against it.

Moments later, Ianto opened it, jumping when Jack nearly fell forward as his head went with the door. Jack quickly got his footing back and sighed sadly.

"Jack? Are you okay?" Ianto asked worriedly.

"Your car is at the hub."

"What? You walked? Come in Jack, its cold." The younger man gripped Jack's hand in his, tugging him inside.

"Sorry…just didn't feel like being alone in the hub at the moment."

"You smell like petrol. What the hell is going on Jack?"

"John, he…he didn't feel like he belonged here."

"Jack…what happened?"

The fear in those soft eyes hurt Jack. They hurt so much. He couldn't look into Ianto's eyes, instead staring at his hands.

"He killed himself Ianto."

"And you…" He heard the realization in Ianto's voice and tried not to let out the sob that screamed inside of him.

"I kept him company."

"Oh god, Jack." Ianto grabbed Jack, pulling him into the strongest hug he could muster.

Jack pulled Ianto closer, resting his head in the Welshman's neck. He breathed in Ianto's scent, greedily taking in every breath, every heartbeat, everything that told him that Ianto was alive. A sob escaped his lips and he tightened his arms around Ianto's waist. He didn't want to let go. He knew it was selfish, he knew it was stupid and Ianto wouldn't understand it but he just couldn't let go.

"I couldn't stop him."

"It's okay Jack. You did all you could."

"It wasn't enough. It's never enough. Do we ever make a difference Ianto? All we ever get is more pain." It was true enough. He just couldn't reel in his feelings. It was like a dam had burst as Ianto pulled him into his arms.

"Hey, don't say that. We make a difference, of course we do. We save people every day, _you_ save people every day, and you know what?" Ianto pulled away just enough to look into Jack's soft, pain filled eyes.

"What?"

Ianto pushed a stray hair from Jack's face, "You've saved me. More than a few times. If I'm honest with myself, I would've died long ago if it weren't for you."

"That's not true."

"I wouldn't lie to you Jack, especially not after what you've just been through."

Ianto was being too kind. He knew Ianto was. Why would Ianto feel like that after all the bad things he'd caused in Ianto's life? He'd never meant to hurt him, it just always ended up that way. It wasn't fair. Torchwood seemed to have something against Ianto Jones, no matter what he did for the organisation. It was like no matter what he did, the bad stuff ended up heading Ianto's way. Jack never wanted any of this to happen and now he was at Ianto's, taking his pain out on him. He couldn't help it though. Ianto was the only one he wanted to see. He was probably the only one who would want to see him as well come to think of it. Seems pretty insane if you think about it. All the pain he's caused the Welshman and Ianto still wants to see him.

Jack pulled Ianto back to him and into a bone crushing hug, needing the closeness, "I'll get you a new car."

Ianto chuckled, "I don't care about the car." He pressed a soft kiss to the older man's lips, "Go sit down, I'll make you a coffee."

"I don't want any coffee Ianto. I just want to be around you."

"Okay…I was going to watch a movie but we can just talk if you want."

"No, a movie sounds good actually. I don't need much."

Ianto smiled, pulling Jack closer, "You're sure?"

"Positive."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Jack wasn't paying attention to the movie, more preoccupied with the younger man he was practically lying on top of. He carded his hands gently though Ianto's hair, soothing both of them. It had been so long since he'd done anything like this. Even though he had been with other people, Torchwood had never given him time for things like this.

"What are we watching?"

"Honestly? I haven't been paying all that much attention."

"So I'm not the only one then?" Jack smirked.

"So it would seem." Ianto chuckled, running his hand up and down Jack's back.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Taking my mind off things, looking after me."

"You did the same for me."

Jack grinned, grazing his lips against Ianto's, his fingers brushing any skin he could reach. Ianto's eyes closed impulsively at the feelings Jack's touches brought through his body. Ianto pulled Jack closer, pressing a soft kiss to his neck, nuzzling it and taking in the captain's irresistable scent, the smell of petrol fading.

"What time is it?" Jack's voice was barely a whisper.

"I have no idea. Late, I'd guess."

"Then we should really go to bed." Jack smirked.

Ianto sighed contentedly, "Mmm we should. You sure you're okay?"

"Much better than I was." Jack assured, pressing his lips to Ianto's. Ianto groaned as Jack moved closer still, feeding Ianto's every want.

"Because I don't think we should do anything if you're still bitter about what happened today, which you know, would be understandable if you were." Ianto sighed, trying to concentrate through Jack's attack.

"I'm fine Ianto."

"Right…well that's all I need then." Ianto grinned and crushed his lips to Jack's.


	7. Combat

_**Combat**_

Owen was worse for wear. His skin was peppered in cuts and bruises. Jack had told him to stay home for a few days to recover. He didn't know what more he was supposed to do with the medic. He should've paid more attention to him, seen that he was hurting. Mostly, he should've noticed how close Owen had gotten to Diane.

"Jack…" I soft voice with Welsh lilts thrown in murmured behind him and Jack smiled impulsively. Turning from his spot in his office to face the young man at his door he continued to smile, this time reassuringly.

Ianto didn't smile, he didn't look upset either, "How's Owen?"

"Beat up, feeling like a prat." Jack shrugged, "He'll be fine."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine Ianto."

"Are you?" Ianto looked skeptical.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Ianto took a few tentative steps into the office, "You tend to beat yourself up about things you can't control."

Jack smiled, looking down for a moment. It was crazy how well Ianto could read him. It hadn't been that long but it seems that it was enough. He looked Ianto up and down, taking in the dark suit with cold blue shirt. "I'm fine Ianto. Honestly."

"Okay then." Ianto nodded, seeming to end the subject, "I need you to fill out these forms for me, for the archives." He handed Jack the folder and went to leave the office.

"Ianto?"

"Yes, sir?" Ianto turned back to face him.

"Are _you_ okay?"

Ianto smiled, "Fine sir."

"Because you know I'm right here."

"I know."

Jack sighed, looking down at the brown folder in his hands. How could they make days like these into a file? It was ridiculous, but he supposed Ianto was used to it. Maybe it was even Ianto's way of dealing with things. He couldn't be sure. All he knew was that Ianto was rather fond of the files. Perhaps it was because it was the thing that he had all the control over. The chaos of Torchwood wrapped up in papers.

"Stop working Ianto. Go home."

"What about you?" Ianto's voice was barely a whisper.

"What about me?"

"I can't just leave you here to brood." Ianto smirked, "It wouldn't be right."

Jack looked up at Ianto and smiled. The soft smirk was still there, broadcasting the tease in his voice and maybe just a little bit of mischief. There was something else though. There was something Ianto wasn't telling him. There was something sad in those eyes.

"What are you suggesting?"

"I don't know." And Ianto sounded so sincere as he shrugged his shoulders and moved closer to Jack again, "What would you suggest?"

"Would…you like to stay here tonight? You haven't stayed with me in a while. It'd be a nice change."

"I think that might be nice." Ianto nodded, moving further into the office, "Would you like me to make you a coffee?"

Jack laced his fingers into Ianto's, pulling the younger man closer until their chests bumped together. The steady rise and fall of their breaths, their heartbeats came together in unison. Ianto looked down at their entwined fingers and then back at Jack, a soft barely there smile gracing his lips. Jack found himself lost in those blue grey eyes. The gleam in them taunting him, telling him there was so much more to this man and challenging him to learn it all. He could only imagine all there was to know about Ianto Jones. "I'm okay for coffee."

"Okay. I should go fetch some files for Tosh for tomorrow."

"No. Don't move." Jack urged, pressing his forehead to the Welshman's, "Stop working Ianto."

"But Tosh needed-"

Jack pressed his lips to Ianto's, stopping his protests, "Stop working."

"Okay."

Jack brushed his nose against Ianto's, closing his eyes impulsively at the feel of skin brushing skin, "Come to bed?"

"Okay."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Ianto's shoes were on the floor, his suit Jacket in the corner on a chair. Jack's coat and blue shirt were in the corner with it, his boots on the floor and his suspenders were by his waist. They were lying together on Jack's bed, millimetres apart.

"You should stop calling me 'sir', you know."

"Wouldn't that seem suspicious, me suddenly not calling you 'sir' anymore?" Ianto smirked.

"I told you I didn't care what you told the others, I meant it."

"I know, I just worry that I will be taken even less seriously."

"Oh cheers for that. That makes me feel really special." Jack muttered sarcastically.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." Ianto chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't feel obliged to calling me 'sir' because you really don't have to and it really _does_ make me feel old."

"I'm sorry." Ianto looked down a little sadly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jack murmured, caressing Ianto's cheek with the palm of his hand.

Ianto nodded, that reassuring smile back on his lips but Jack could see through it. He didn't know what was going on but he wanted to. He knew the young man was thinking about something too much, he just hadn't the faintest idea of what that something was.

"I'm fine. Just thinking."

"That's dangerous." Jack chuckled, "Tell me though. I don't like when you're upset like this."

"It's not bad Jack, I'm just taking things to heart, you know?"

"What things are you taking to heart?"

"You're going to think it's stupid and sad and pathetic so I'm just going to keep it to myself."

Jack moved closer, his hand running up and down Ianto's arm, "Nothing you say is ever stupid or sad or pathetic."

"I was just...I was just thinking about Owen and Diane. They had each other and it was wonderful and then they lost each other and it was like something inside them had died. I don't know what this thing we do is, but I like it, however long it does decide to last. I'm not going to regret and I don't think Owen will either."

Jack grinned as Ianto spoke, "See? Not stupid or sad or pathetic."

"Shut up."

Jack laughed, "Sometimes I wonder who made you so crazy."

"That's just me." Ianto deadpanned before chuckling.

"Well don't ever change."

Ianto smirked, "Maybe I should, just to keep you on your toes."

"Oh God, please don't. I can't handle anymore surprises."

Ianto laughed and pressed a soft kiss to the older man's lips, "Thank you Jack."

"What for?"

"Once again, for saving me from myself." Ianto rested his head against Jack's chest.

"I needed you here, you know?"

"I needed to be here."

"But why?" Jack asked in his sincerest tones.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I need this? Maybe I need to feel warm around you. Maybe I need to hear your heart beating beneath me. Maybe I need to feel you breathing. Maybe I just need that reassurance."

Jack pulled Ianto closer, letting Ianto rest his head on his chest, "You know, I think I need you here for the same reasons?" He pressed his lips to the younger man's forehead, "Get some sleep Ianto Jones. It's been a long day."

Ianto hummed happily, nuzzling into Jack's chest and Jack grinned. He didn't know how long he had with this man but it didn't matter. For right now, this moment was perfect.

_**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I have to write a story for English and I've been focussing on that. Please review. You know I love it when you do that. Would cyber cookies tempt you? ;D haha**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	8. Captain Jack Harkness

_**Captain Jack Harkness**_

Ianto stared at the floor, mapping out the square tiles around where he was sitting. He had no idea what he was supposed to do in this situation. He had never even been in a situation like this one. He sat on the couch underneath the big 'Torchwood' lettering on the wall, just staring at the floor. He was trying to figure out what to say to Jack, but what was there to say? What was he supposed to do to make it all better? He sighed sadly. This wasn't even his fault. Why was he beating himself up over it? _Because Jack means more to you than you want to admit._ Reason swam through his mind but he didn't want to listen to it.

"Ianto?"

Ianto jumped at the sound of his name. Jack stood next to him, a look of sadness clear on his face. He felt guilty just looking at the way Jack was hurting like that, "Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"Seems like that's all we ever ask each other." Ianto laughed just a little bitterly.

It wasn't too much to ask for a conversation that didn't involve the words 'are you okay' was it? Jack sat beside Ianto, letting out a soft sigh. His shoulder and knee brushed against Ianto's.

"I'm sorry for what I did Ianto."

"I understand and I'm not angry with you." Ianto murmured, looking back at the tiles

"Really?"

"Yes." And he wasn't lying, he just didn't know what it meant was going to happen. He was so unsure about Jack as it was, this just made it that much harder to understand what the captain was thinking. He wasn't upset with Jack because this was Jack and this was Jack's way of comforting someone. He knew that it was, "That doesn't mean I'm not hurt though."

"Which was the one thing I promised you I'd never do." Jack looked down at his hands sadly, "I knew he was going to die Ianto."

"I know Jack. Like I said, I'm not angry, just hurt. Wouldn't you be offended if I wasn't?" Ianto looked over at Jack now, trying to read his face.

"Yeah, you're right. I would be. I don't want to hurt you like this though. What am I supposed to do to make this better?" There was a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Nothing Jack, what's done is done." Ianto ran a hand through his hair, "Where are the others?"

"Don't change the subject."

"No, I just want to know where they are, if Toshiko's okay."

"She's fine. She's more worried about you and the only reason Owen is recovering is because you shot him."

"He opened the rift." Ianto pointed out.

A silence fell between them and Ianto stared at a coffee mug on the table in front of him. This was all too much. He had no idea how he was supposed to fix this. He was so worried he was going to push Jack away, or worse, Jack would push him away.

"Ianto...I know I hurt you and I know I promised I wouldn't. I'm sorry though. You mean more to me than this. I wish I could explain that to you. I just don't think you'd understand. You don't realise what you do for me, for everyone."

"We're not talking about everyone Jack. Just you and me."

"Okay. You're right, again. I just want to know what you're thinking because I'm scared of what that might be."

"I'm thinking..." Ianto went through it all in his head. So much in such a short amount of time, "I was so scared I'd never see you again. I had to try to stop Owen from opening the rift. I wanted him to. I _really_ wanted him to. I think that makes me a bad person, willing to risk the entire planet just to see you again. I don't care though, that's how I felt. Then you came back and I was so relieved but...I just wish you hadn't gone in the first place because this is all way too much."

"Ianto, I'm telling you that it meant nothing but when I'm with you, it does mean something. I don't know how I'm supposed to get you to understand." Jack sighed.

"Can you just give me some time? I need some time to be bitter and to hurt before it gets better."

"I'm supposed to be there when you're hurting."

"You can't always be there Jack."

"I want to be." Jack entwined his fingers with Ianto's, "I don't want to be anywhere else. Don't you get that?"

Ianto stared at their hands, smiling sadly. It still felt so good when he did that. Why was this so difficult? He wanted Jack to help him through it. He didn't know how that would actually help though. He didn't want to be away from Jack either, it felt wrong. It felt like leaving him and himself with no resolution if he did.

"What are you going to be able to do to make me feel better?"

"Anything you want me to do." Jack smiled reassuringly.

Ianto sighed, resting his head against Jack's shoulder, "I used to hate you, you know?"

"I know."

"I don't anymore. I haven't for a long time. You know that right? I get scared sometimes that you still think I do. I get scared that you're going to push me away."

"I know you don't hate me Ianto."

"So why don't you ever open up to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I tell you about me, don't I? From the trivial to the embarrassing, you know more about me than most people do."

Jack smiled, "And I cherish every little piece of knowledge I have about you."

"So why don't you ever tell me about _you_?"

"I...I like to keep myself to myself." Jack murmured, rubbing the pad of his thumb against Ianto's hand soothingly.

"So do I but I still tell you things." Ianto pointed out, turning to look up at the captain but not moving his head away.

It was about time he knew a little bit more about Captain Jack Harkness, _his_ Captain Jack Harkness. The problem as usual was Jack never bringing himself up, never telling more than those tales that really told you nothing more than how adventurous he was.

"What do you want me to tell you Ianto?"

"I don't know. I just want to know about you. Everything, anything. Is that really so much to ask for?" Ianto spoke softly.

Jack opened his mouth to speak, closed it, opened it once more and then closed it again. He looked into Ianto's eyes and saw the pain in them. He sighed sadly, looking down at the floor, "Its hard Ianto. I don't tell you because I don't know what you can take and I don't know if me telling you something will end up screwing up timelines. The Doctor is never specific with that kind of stuff." Jack looked back at Ianto, trying to convey how serious he was, "I would tell you if I knew I was allowed to."

Ianto shook his head, "No Jack. I don't care about your adventures with the Doctor. I don't need to know about that stuff and I get that you can't tell me everything. I want to know about you, the person. What you like and don't like. What makes you laugh or cry? What makes Captain Jack Harkness tick?"

"I…"Jack groaned, "I don't know what you're expecting me to say Ianto."

"I'm not expecting anything! I just want to know more about you. Christ Jack, no one has ever made this so difficult before!"

"You're right. I'm sorry. I like…I like coffee and I like suits and rain…and rooftops." Jack smiled at Ianto, "And I like you."

Ianto rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the smile from creeping onto his face. He knew almost all of this stuff already, but Jack _was_ making an effort, "What don't you like though? So I know never to do things that piss you off."

Jack chuckled, "I don't like cold coffee and when weevils ruin your suits. I don't like when people don't listen to me…and I don't like when you're upset, or angry, or hurt, or all of the above."

Ianto tried to pretend this was Jack flattering him but the look in those soft eyes told him it wasn't. That was enough, wasn't it? Jack had tried. Ianto had at least learnt that Jack liked rain. That was something, right?

"Are we okay?" Jack murmured, his hand caressing Ianto's cheek, "Please tell me we're okay."

Ianto nodded, smiling gently at the older man, "Yeah…we're okay Jack."

And in that moment, it was enough.

_**A/N: Let me take this moment to say, this has always been my least favourite episode. I tried my best to write this for it taking that into consideration. I think this one's actually a really important step in their relationship anyway :) Please review, I'd love to know you're opinions.**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	9. End of Days

_**End of Days**_

Ianto stared at the floor. He was all alone and this was all his fault. He had destroyed it all. He had a good thing going and he let it slip away. Jack left because of him. He just knew Jack had left because of him. He couldn't put it right. He didn't know how. He only knew three things.

Jack was gone.  
They kept moving.  
Ianto had to keep moving.

So why did his stomach feel so empty? Why was it so tied up in knots? Why did his eyes sting every time he blinked? Why did his hands tremble? Why did it hurt to breathe?

He rubbed his hands through his hair. He'd lost track of the amount of times he'd done that. Jack had died. That wasn't new though, right? Jack had died before. He ran the archives, he knew Jack couldn't die. He'd never died for so long before though.

He couldn't get the sight out of his head. He couldn't not think of how pale Jack was. How dark his eyes were. How cold he was. Jack was never cold. His hands were always warm. He was always warm and in death, he was so wrong. He wasn't Jack, and that scared the crap out of Ianto.

Ianto hated himself. He hated what he had done. He'd helped them open the rift, helped them kill Jack, all so that he could get Lisa back. Even if by some miracle he had gotten Lisa back, what would he have said? He missed her, but he needed Jack. He wouldn't give up Jack for her, and yet he did. In the heat of the moment he did it and he regretted it the second the light in Jack's eyes had gone out.

And now Jack hated him, or so he assumed but couldn't be sure. He had betrayed everything they had, whatever that was. Of course Jack hated him.

But then Jack had woken up and Ianto didn't know what to do. He was breathing and beautiful and alive and all traces of wrong had long since departed. Ianto felt sick. Jack was alive and that made _him_ feel alive, but he had betrayed the captain. He wanted to say he was sorry, to make Jack believe he was sorry, and then Jack was pulling him into his arms. He suddenly didn't care about apologies because Jack was hugging him and he smelt so nice it just didn't matter.

Jack smiled at him and the ache in his heart began to dull. Jack was alive and he was perfect. Before he knew what was happening, Jack's lips were pressed against his. Jack was kissing him and that warmth consumed him, comforted him. Any doubt in the other's minds was destroyed in that moment but Ianto just didn't care when Jack was holding him so close and kissing him in a way that told him he was forgiven.

So why did his gut wrench? Why did his skin crawl? Why did he feel so worthless? _Why did Jack leave?_

If Jack had forgiven him, why wasn't he still here? Why had Jack left him to pick up the pieces? The others had left about three hours after Jack had. He told them he'd leave. He couldn't bring himself to. It had been so long since he'd slept alone. He was used to the warmth of human contact. He was used to the feel of strong hands on his skin. He was used to the warm breath on his neck. He was used to the sound of a heart beating and the feel of hands tracing patterns on his arms. Now, he wouldn't have any of that. He couldn't remember a time he'd felt more alone.

He once hated Jack. Once thought Jack was the biggest monster of them all. Now he felt like that was him. He was the one who brought Lisa in. He was the one who nearly destroyed the planet because he refused to let her go. And now here he was, destroying his own world and nearly the rest of the planet all over again.

He went into Jack's office and stared at his stash of alcohols. Whiskey and scotch. Jack would never settle for anything less than the strong stuff. He grazed his fingers along the bottles, closing his eyes as he remembered that taste that had helped him kill the pain with Lisa. He wanted nothing more than to down that bottle, along with all the rest. He'd promised Jack though. He had told him he'd never rely on alcohol again. He at least owed Jack that.

He let out a shaky breath and slowly made his way into Jack's bunker. It felt bigger. There was a sort of emptiness that screamed 'Jack is gone'. At the same time, it carried his presence. His books were in one corner, and his clothes in another. Ianto's breath hitched. His clothes. Jack had taken his coat with him. That had to be the number one sign that told Ianto that Jack wasn't planning on coming back. He ran his hand along the fabric of a blue shirt and felt tears prick at his eyes.

He knew it was wrong, staying in Jack's place when Jack wasn't there, when Jack hadn't told him he could. But Ianto supposed, Jack wouldn't he stayed for one night. Or two. Or until that smell died down and he had to find something else to comfort him.

He found himself lying on Jack's bunk, his head resting on Jack's pillow. He didn't use a pillow anymore. Jack's chest had become his pillow. So warm and strong. Jack's pillow was cold, but that didn't matter. He could smell Jack on it. That was enough for him. Breathing in a heavy breath, taking in Jack's smell, Ianto let out a shuddering breath as sobs threatened to escape. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine Jack was there, trying to imagine Jack's arms around his waist. That was the thing about Jack though. Imagination could never do him justice.

_**A/N: I'm sorry I was so mean to Ianto. I'm mean to both of them in the next one. It's okay though, it'll all work out for the best, I promise!**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	10. Between the Action

_**Between the Action**_

Burning. Everything was burning. His skin, his eyes, every cut on his body screamed out. His muscles felt like they were slowly being torn. His skin felt like it was on fire, but he felt so cold. His hands were chained up. All he could do was watch as the Master took over the world. He felt so useless. He felt so wrong.

The Doctor had always said that he should hold on to the good things; concentrate on what made all this pain worth it. He thought of his team, of them smiling. Of Gwen's naivety, of Owen's sarcasm, of Toshiko's innocence, of Ianto.

_Ianto._

He thought about Ianto's smile, as rare a thing as that was. The way those lips curved just so, telling him he'd said something stupid, or wonderful. It was beautiful. He thought of the Welshman's warm skin, the way it felt when he brushed against him. He thought of those stormy blue eyes, screaming something's wrong but it didn't matter because Jack was there and that made Ianto okay. But now he wasn't. He hadn't left so much as a note and it made him feel like the worst person on the planet. He had no idea how his leaving had effected Ianto. At this rate, he'd never even get to find out.

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Ianto brushed his head against Jack's pillow soothingly. The smell was fading now. There was only so much Jack left on it. He hugged the pillow to his chest, breathing in as much of that smell as he could. He knew he'd regret it later when the smell finally died, but he was feeling greedy.

Jack had been gone for a few months now. It wasn't any easier. There was still a void. Well, not so much a void as a deep, gut wrenching hole in Ianto's chest. Jack visited him in his dreams, told him it would be okay and that he would be back soon. Ianto never once believed it. It hurt Jack that Ianto didn't. Ianto's guilt just got worse.

He slept in Jack's space every night, using the excuse of 'someone needs to be around in case the rift spits something out'. Really, he just stayed there because he hoped Jack would come back in the middle of the night. He hoped Jack would wake him up and tell him everything would be okay. He hoped Jack would just lay with him and keep him company.

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Jack had his eyes closed; trying to keep his mind on the Welshman he had left behind. He heard that accent in his mind, telling him he was a bloody idiot for getting himself into this situation. He felt Ianto's arms around him, letting him know that everything was going to be okay, promising that everything would be okay.

He could almost smell the coffee as he imagined it, could almost taste Ianto's lips on his. He wanted nothing more than to open his eyes and see Ianto there, helping him out of his binds and pulling him into a hug. God, how he wanted a hug. Instead, he opened his eyes to see the Master grinning manically from the screen on the wall.

"What shall we do to you next Jack?"

Jack closed his eyes again, thinking about Ianto's head on his chest, hand tracing his stomach. Ianto didn't even realize when he did that. _He remembered Ianto getting that one spot that tickled Jack. Jack had squirmed under the younger man's touch, unable to stop himself from grinning. Ianto had looked up at Jack, confused before he saw that grin. The Welshman had run his fingers along that spot again, experimentally and Jack had chuckled, unable to stop himself. This had caused Ianto to laugh, moving his hands along the area tauntingly. Jack flipped Ianto off of him, pinning him to the bed, staring into those eyes._

"_Sorry." Ianto had murmured, barely a whisper._

_Jack simply grinned, pressing a soft kiss to the younger man's lips._

"Why are you smiling?" The Master demanded and Jack was drawn away from the memory.

He didn't realize until the Master had said it but he was smiling. Nearly grinning, in fact. Jack knew the Doctor was right. The power of memories would help him keep his sanity. He just needed to remember what it was he was fighting for.

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Ianto had to get up. He knew the others would be in soon, if they weren't already. He spoke into Jack's pillow; he had been doing that a lot lately. It soothed the ache in his chest, just a little bit.

"Please come back to me Jack." His voice cracked and he realized he was crying again, "I miss you. Do you miss me?" He closed his eyes, letting a few stray tears fall onto the pillow and he took in a heavy breath, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was stupid and I hate myself for it." Clutching at the pillow like a lifeline he sighed sadly, "If you don't come back soon, I'm going to give up on you. You don't want that, do you?"

He looked at the empty space next to him and wiped his eyes, "Come back so I can hit you for being such a bloody idiot."

He checked himself in the mirror, composed himself and stepped out into the main hub when he decided he looked good enough to be considered 'fine'. Toshiko was already there and she smiled over at him, seeing through the mask. She ran over to him and pulled him into a strong hug.

"It'll be okay Ianto. He'll come back." She assured, sighing sadly, "And when he does I'll slap him one for making you feel this way."

Ianto smiled sadly at her, wiping away a few tears threatening to fall, "Thanks Tosh. Would you like a coffee?"

"That would be lovely." She smiled reassuringly.

Everything kept moving forward. It had to.

_**A/N: Okay, I think I'm done being mean to them now. Sorry for being so cruel.**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


	11. Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang

_**Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang!**_

Ianto never stared. He knew it was rude to stare, and so never did. Yet here he was in a hotel room, staring at Captain Jack Harkness. He didn't believe it, didn't want to because dreams have been cruel and Ianto was sick of getting his hopes up. But this felt so real and his imagination was never this good.

"Stop it; you'll give me a complex." Jack teased, his lips curving into a gentle smile.

Ianto couldn't stop himself as he moved towards Jack. He reluctantly grazed his fingers along Jack's. He was warm, that kind of warm he thought he'd never feel again. His hands traced the captain's arms, shoulders, brushing his neck and gently cupping his cheeks. This was how he'd wished he could remember Jack. Exactly as he was.

Jack touched his hand to one of Ianto's and smiled, "I'm real. I promise."

That was all the reassurance Ianto needed before he pulled Jack into a bone crushing hug. He nuzzled the older man's neck and breathed in, sighing happily. This was all he'd been wanting.

"Oh that's nice." Jack smiled, finally back where he wanted to be.

"I was giving up. I didn't think you were coming back."

"I was always coming back." Jack assured, pressing a kiss to the nearest part of Ianto he could reach, which at that moment was his cheek, "When did you last eat, Ianto?"

"I…" He pulled away just enough to look into Jack's soft blue eyes, "I can't remember."

"Come on. I'm taking you out."

"No. I don't want to go anywhere. Let's just order room service."

"Okay. Go lie down though." Jack gestured to the bedroom.

"So much for that other room you paid for." Ianto chuckled.

"I didn't want to presume. You and I were never exclusive. I thought maybe you might've found someone else."

"It's a bit hard for anyone to compete with an immortal American from the fifty first century." Ianto pointed out.

"Ianto…" Jack sighed sadly.

"Go order food."

Jack nodded, watching Ianto as he moved into the other room. Ianto was exhausted. His emotions had been on high all day and Captain John Hart seemed to only want to make things more difficult. He sat cross legged in the middle of the bed, staring at his hands. Any minute now he was going to hear the door open, then close, and Jack would be off again, he just knew it.

"Tell me what's wrong. Please." Jack murmured from the doorway and Ianto looked up at him, smiling.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Ianto Jones, I'd like to think I know you a bit better than that."

Ianto patted the bed, "Sit with me?"

Jack smiled, moving to the Welshman and sitting beside him. Ianto's stomach had butterflies, instead of the knot which was once left. He carefully rested his head on Jack's shoulder. His eyes closed. This was all he'd been wanting. Jack was warm and the coat was rough against his cheek. That was all he'd wanted to feel for so long.

"Talk to me Ianto." Jack urged.

Without realizing what he was doing, he turned and hugged Jack again. All his weight was pressed into Jack and when Jack's arms wrapped around him, he couldn't contain his shuddering breath. Jack's arms tightened around him, his warmth engulfed him.

"I'm sorry." Ianto's voice was barely a whisper.

"Hey," Jack pulled away just enough to look into Ianto's eyes, "You have no reason to be sorry."

"I shouldn't have helped the others. I shouldn't have let Owen kill you. I thought you'd forgiven me, but then you left. You left and I had no idea what I was supposed to do." He pulled Jack to him, not wanting to let him go, not after all this, "I'm so sorry Jack."

"I forgave you straight away Ianto. _I'm_ sorry. I left you like that and it was selfish, it was wrong."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"I don't believe that."

Jack laughed, "It's true." Cupping Ianto's cheeks, he murmured, "The thought of your coffee, your suits, your eyes, your smile, it all kept me fighting."

Ianto smiled, "I stayed in your bunker under your office every night. Couldn't bring myself to leave, I guess…hope you don't mind."

Jack chuckled, "Why would I mind?"

"I don't know. I might've been intruding."

Jack ran his fingers along Ianto's arm in a caring gesture, "You are always welcome down there."

Ianto leaned closer, his breath mixing with Jack's and his thoughts all over the place, "Are you going to leave again?"

"Not any time soon."

Ianto couldn't help himself. He pulled Jack to him, pressing their lips together. He's almost forgotten about Jack's lips. They were so soft and needy and willing. His hands threaded into Jack's coat and around his waist as he pulled the captain closer. Before he knew what was going on, he was on his back, Jack towering over him. He couldn't bear to pull his lips away. This was so perfect and right and he'd missed it _so _much. His hands ran over Jack's shoulder blades, feeling the muscles beneath the fabric of Jack's shirt. Jack pulled away for breath before pressing another chaste kiss to Ianto's lips.

"Take me with you next time." Ianto all but begged.

"I never want to let you out of my sight again." Jack pressed gentle kisses to Ianto's jaw.

"Then don't."

Ianto was very sure that the moment was perfect with Jack lying over him, holding him, kissing him like he was so fragile he might break. He didn't need anything else. The world didn't matter when Jack was like this. Everything was right with the world once more.

A knock came at the door. Ianto and Jack both groaned simultaneously. Jack pulled away, looking thoroughly annoyed.

"Ignore it." Ianto tugged on Jack's coat, pulling him into another kiss.

"Mmm no, that'll be food. You need food."

Ianto sighed, "Hurry up."

Jack chuckled, "Yes, sir."

The moment the weight of Jack above him disappeared, he felt cold. He licked his lips and could still taste Jack, feel his lips slightly swollen. He couldn't stop himself from smiling. He heard the door open and Jack talking, not quite sure what it was he was saying but not really caring. A moment later the door closed and Ianto waited for Jack to come back into the room.

And waited.  
_And waited._

"Jack!"

Nothing. Ianto's stomach began to twist, dreading filling him and making him feel hollow.

"Jack!"

"I'm still here! Just give me a minute!"

Ianto sighed, closing his eyes and trying to make his heart calm down. He was being ridiculous, jumping to conclusions like that.

Jack appeared a moment later with a tray and placed it on the bedside table before climbing back on the bed, exactly as he was moments before. He brushed his nose against Ianto's, their lips ghosting over each other and Ianto was sure his heart was about to fly out of his chest.

"Sorry about that." Jack smirked, "Won't happen again."

Ianto smiled, every breath he breathed filling his lungs with Jack, "I sincerely hope not."

Jack chuckled, quickly kissing Ianto and bringing the tray over to him, "Eat."

Ianto looked over at the tray and chuckled, "Chips?"

"It was the simplest thing this hotel could give us that you could eat in bed." Jack shrugged, holding a chip out in front of Ianto, "I'm not going to let you sleep until you eat something."

Ianto rolled his eyes and chuckled, "I'm not even that hungry Jack, honestly."

"Eat." Jack said sternly, "For me."

Ianto sighed, letting Jack feed him the chip, "I hope you don't expect me to eat all of those."

"But you're so much thinner than when I left Ianto. Did you eat anything while I was gone?"

"Of course."

Jack kissed Ianto's neck, "I don't believe that for a second."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - -

Ianto ate a few handfuls more before staring up at Jack, "Good enough for you?"

"Not really." Jack pressed a soft kiss to Ianto's lips, "Go out with me tomorrow?"

"Working tomorrow."

"The next day?"

"Working."

"The next day?"

"Working Jack!" Ianto laughed.

"I'm the boss, I can give us a day off." Jack pointed out.

"The rift isn't being kind lately. Sounds like we're expecting a lot of activity over the next few days."

"I want to treat you." Jack stroked Ianto's cheek lovingly.

"You don't need to."

"Yes I do." Jack sighed, "I want to do this right this time."

Ianto smirked. He'd never seen Jack like this. He was holding Ianto close and speaking right into his lips. He was warm and beautiful. He smelt so perfect, Ianto was having trouble concentrating. Ianto pulled Jack just a little bit closer, holding him.

"You should sleep Ianto."

Ianto nodded, turning Jack to lie next to him. He rested his head on Jack's chest, his fingers tracing the older man's stomach. It had been so long and yet they fell right into place once more. His eyes closed and he focussed on the thud of Jack's heartbeat beneath him and the rise and fall of Jack's chest.

"If I wake up in the morning and you're not still in this exact spot Jack, I swear to God-"

Jack laughed out loud, pressing a kiss to Ianto's head, "Can't get rid of me that easily Ianto."

_**A/N: I was so glad to be up to this chapter. I've been craving fluff n_n**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


End file.
